Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

These little gems encompass my teenage sense of humor, and for some reason, I still find them hilarious. Enjoy a few of my favorites... I have to know, is it just me and my family, or does anyone else find them amusing??? Ode to my brother Paul...Voted Mr. Most Humorous at MHS, Class of 1990...

*Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

*If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would make you really mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

*Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.

*Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking with you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

*I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea, but it's just eggs hatching.

*Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good lucky feeling.

*Whenever somebody asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guys arms behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?

*Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

*Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

*If you drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let 'em go. 'Cuz, man, they're gone.

*If God lives inside us like some people say, I hope he likes enchiladas, cause that's what he's getting.

*Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, am I glad I'm not out there in THAT!"